I Love My Wife, I Hurt My Wife, I Need My Wife, I Miss My Wife, When Does the This All Go Away?
Question by antinioa: I love my wife, I hurt my wife, I need my wife, I miss my wife, when does the this all go away?
Hello, one year ago I married the prettiest lady in the county. I met her at a local church. At that time I was in a drug and alcohol treatment center. After my wife found out that I was in treatment she accepted me with open arms. She stated to me that my recovery is her recovery as well. going into the relationship I bagan to use again. My wife found out and thats when things started getting bad in our relationship. My wife supported me through this ordeal of relapsing, and she even started going to meetings with me. I did not show any appreciation for her standing behind me. I began to become verbally abusive to her and her kids. I had the ambition to start a lawn business and she supported me with that. She financed me two trucks in which I still drive, She open up credit cards in which I abused. she also emptied her retirement because of me. On one day four months ago, I came home intoxicated, and high, I hit my wife that night and went to jail. she took out a temporary restraing order out on me. that night was my bottom and I admitted myself back into rehab. Even after taking out the restraining order she still allowed me to come over to spend time with the kids.I took advantage of that and became more selfish and controlling. I would call her a hundred times a day, texting her constantly, never taking no for an answer. She finally told me that she needs her space and time to heal. I did not understand that, realizing that I am currently in recovery and I need time to heal myself. My wife is very pretty, smart, intelligent, loving, and most of all she is a true christian lady. she has a 15 year old daughter and son that is going to be 10 in about a week. I love those kids like they were mine. I would express to them the importance of their education, I talked to them about life issues like a real father would. I spent alot of quality time with them, taking them out on fridays and doing the things they desired to do. I love those kids and I miss them. My wife has been out of a job for almost 31/2 months, the only income she is receiving is unemployment. I have been helping her as much as I can, but I lost my job, now I can’nt help her like I was. We both go to the same church, but she told the officials that she has a temporary restraining order and that we should be attendig different services. now she has totally shut me out of her life. she don’nt answer my calls, she don’nt call me, she may e-mail me if it something importat or she is mad. She is very bitter towards me and I have become afraid of her. she still allows me to drive the two vehicles thats in her name and I still have a few of my things in the house. Today, I am doing good in recovery, I am deeply involved in the church, and I am growing in the word of god every day. I am doing it for me now.These are the questions I need help with, she is not telling me anything like she wants a divorce or what our future will be like, when wiill she talk to me again,? I am giving her space and time to heal, when do I know when to contact her? I Got a part time job this week, do I tell her? What do I do now? I have acknowledge my wrongs and I take full responsibility for what I did. I love her and she is the lady I want to be with for the rest of my life. No one knows how I feel besides God. I truly love her. I just want us to live a joyous and happy spirutual life now. And I want to rebuild what I tore down of hers. She is currently atending co-dependency classes and various other groups. When do i ask her will she attend marriage counseling with me after I finish with my individual counseling? At what point do I give up and file for divorce? Or do I just hang in there? Please help me, i need and want my family back.
Best answer:
Answer by HIS!
Leave her alone. She was a sucker to allow you in her life. Hopefully she has learned a good lesson and won’t let it happen again. You don’t deserve them back. Sorry!
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
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14 Responses to I Love My Wife, I Hurt My Wife, I Need My Wife, I Miss My Wife, When Does the This All Go Away?
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You got it give her time, Let it happen.
sorry all this happened and well let me tell you i am glad you got help and are doing better in my opinion you might want to mention the good things you are doing for yourself but just let her know that you want her to know what you are up to that you are doing better and that you jsut wanted her to know give her time she will see all the good that you are doing and how great you are she will notice all that and when she is sure all this is true she will talk to you do not pressure her give her time and space understand her and hang in there
Sit down and hand write her a letter. You messed up so bad over time its hard for her to even comprehend what to make of you now. A letter won’t hurt…it may not answer any questions but it most likely will make you feel better.
Only God can help you.
tell her that you love her,prove to her that you have become the man that she ever wanted, prove to her that you’ve change. DO something that will show her in front of her own eyes that you have change. you might even copy paste what you have written here and mailed it to her. You must prove it to her that you really love her and she meant everything to you. Just drop down to your knees and promise to her you will take good care of her and ur family and yourself until the end of your life. if she really loves you, she will accept you. and please dont betray her again
If you’ve truly accepted responsibility for your actions, then you will realize that this situation is now completely out of your hands. You have effectively destroyed your wife’s comfort zone and she is taking the time she needs to deal with the resulting backlash. You need to respect her boundaries and give her the space she needs, instead of being so needy and expecting her to allow you to come waltzing back with open arms. You need to realize just how traumatic it is for a woman to be hit by her husband. Until you deal with HER pain, you have not fully accepted the responsibility or the full import of your actions. The ball is no longer in your court. You must follow her instructions, realize these things take time, and respect her boundaries by allowing her the space she needs. Then she will come to you. What she says is entirely up to her, and also out of your hands. It will be up to you to accept entirely what she says, and if she is willing to work it out *at that time* you will need to acknowledge her needs and go the extra mile to prove yourself to her.
Understand that she may decide in the end to go ahead and leave. But if you truly love her, you will wait until she is ready to resolve the issue. This is her time to heal; you have had yours and she needs this. Let her be until she is ready.
Good luck, and continue your journey. It is a good thing that you have gotten sober again, and commendable.
Grow, up and show her your an upright man. Women do not like men that cant take care of their lives. It makes a woman feel uncertainand scared. If so, a woman knows she can do it by herself. We dont need a man that whines, cries, and is sorry for everything ugh how annoying. SHe needs space becasue she is prob annoyed by you by this time. You never mean what you say, and you never keep your promises. We like are men to stand up with pride and rise up like eagles and lead us not the other way around. Get your LIFE STRAIGHT and stop whinning please!!!! BE A MAN and get a life. Sorry but i’m a woman and what you just described annoyed me because there is this guy that fits that description that wants to date me now and you know whatI say to him NOPE!!! Hang in there but show her your a man and that you are over here and that you are the head of your household and that your working hard without her help and you can do this.!! Be smart and Strong.
don’t give up keep doing what your doing. whether you call her or text her believe me she reads and listen. she will come around. it seems like you really hurt her when you hit her. She probably wants to to express how you were feeling at the time of that incident and also express what’s going on in your life. let her know she she is your world
just let her move on.
It took time for you to screw things up and its going to take time to make thins better. There is no better way to show someone that you have changed then time…..she needs time to see that your not relapsing and time to see that your trying to get back on your feet and working and continuing to grow in the Lord. The more you push yourself on her the more she is going to see that you are still to aggressive. That could take a year. But in all honesty she has to think of her kids right now that is her first priority. Think about it this way. If your daughter came to you and told you all of this about her husband what would you tell her to do?
Wow… that is a really intense story and I think the magnitute of it should be discussed with counselors, pastors, family, and friends more than people on yahoo questions. But thanks for taking the time to write.
If you really want my opinion, here it is: you lost her. You had your chance, and you blew it. There is always room for forgiveness, but she is not obligated to forgive you. She has a choice to make, and no amount of phone calls, no crying, pleading/begging is going to make it any easier on her. Leave her alone for a while. If she comes back to you, it may not be for YEARS. You need to follow through in what you say is going on in your heart–Keep growing in the word of God.. keep becoming a better you. If you are truly changing into who you say you are, then you don’t need HER to validate that. I honestly dont’ believe that you are ready for her, or you would not be so worried about getting her back. Let her live her life and you live yours. If somewhere down the road she comes back, then great. But for now, you need to move on.. not necessarily with divorce–let her ask for that (unless it’s what you want).
you can go to counseling with her while you are in counseling yourself. i think you two should give it another shot, but you sir need to get out of the drug culture for good. if all your buddies use and drink don’t hang around them any more. if it helps go to church or find a way to volunteer your time to helping others until you meet new friends so you don’t get lonely friend wise. here’s the thing though this is most likely the last chance you’ll get to turn it around. to me it sounds like you can, but you better make sure you do. i hope you can get through this. if you need someone to talk to email me.
You have abused and used her enough. For now, get yourself straight, sober and healthy. Get your life together and become a better man. Get your business going and start paying her back any money you owe her. After you have gotten your life straightened out and you can be the kind of man she deserves, then you maybe you can entertain the idea of trying to start over. But until you can prove yourself as a man, leave her alone.
Get help
Red
Every time she has opened her heart, her arms and her wallet to you, you abused her trust in you. IF you two do ever get back together it will take a long time and lots of effort on your part, to rebuild that trust.
It could be that she’s waiting to see if you two will get divorced if your “recovery” doesn’t stick this time. Or it could be that she, out of some remnant of her love for you, is waiting until you are strong enough to take the news that it IS over.
Whatever happens from here what you need to do is acknowledge that it is up to her to decide what is right for her and her children, because she has already lived for years with you choosing what it is you want, and that hasn’t been good for her.